“She’s humble but ambitious. She’s independent but family oriented. She likes eating pizza, having great hair & wearing lots of mascara, but don’t think for a moment she’s not sophisticated. Jersey girls are about attitude. She’s got a mouth on her. She says what she means. A Jersey girl is crunchy on the outside & soft in the center. She has the tenacity & drive of a New Yorker, but with the beauty of warmth and humility that being from Jersey is all about. She’s got a nice, cheerful laugh. She’s spunky & witty & she handles competition very well. She’s got confidence. Whatever work she does, she gives it her all. Bottom line: She’s sexy as hell & if you’re lucky, she’s yours." -The Star Ledger

i will always remember a certain febuary night standing beside a good friend of mine who looked at me and commented "i've never seen you so happy. this place is good for you." i smiled and went back to eating my amazingly magically delicious date ball.

So if you know me, you know i'm college shopping.I was thinking about Calvin but its cold and dreary in michigan and i dont think i can throw myself into just majoring in theology - especially reformed theology. I think God is wide and open and transcends our barriers; because our barriers are ours.

I want a school with a solid theatre department witha really cool technical director and a good program, an english department that could refine me a bit and a non-sectarian religion program that can let me poke around. it has somewhere i know that there are people who will take care of me because i am totally incapable of taking care of myself. and i need alumni connections. and cheap cigarettes.

i prefer it be in the middle of nowhere preferably by a sheetz

does anyone know where i could find such a place?

everyone i play this song for falls totally in love with it. Props to my dear friend bill martinak for putting it inTalking With so i could have it pounded into my head at an extremely high volume sitting in the booth with steffie during intermission.

:)

my dad said that if i can go a year without getting in an accident i can get a motorcycle :) As in get myself a motorcycle.

I'm torn between the Vespa GTV and Truimph Bonneville.

I'm working on a new show at EVP. I'll be over in a week but it gets me out of the house.

i am lost.

I think there was a time when i know that i was a happy, sweet, intellectual, pretty, loving person.

I feel like a cracked porcelin shell of a person i used to be.

Last night my best friend was taking a shower in my bathroom because she did a hot oil treatment on her hair and needed to wash it out. My dad started going off on me - he caled me worthless and lazy and irresponsable so i started packing my green suitcase hot tears rolling my face and i told him i was leaving and he said fine go fuck somewhere else up. My mother told me she would die without me around so here i am. still.

nothing makes sense.

my dad just lost his job.

beautiful.

despair

i feel selfish, disgusting and completely alone.

if jules had known i was so screwed up when he was alive i don't think he would have liked me very much.

i don't think anyone could ever love me for who i am

and to make things better

i think at the rate i'm going God is going to stop forgiving me.

nothing makes sense