i drank tea.

i feel a-m-a-z-i-n-g.

i don't understand why. i feel like weight fell off.

the other night my mother was saying something about Jules adn i had a massive, violent, crazy FLIP OUT throwing things and crying and screaming about how i wish he could see my new haircut because he would have loved it and he was my friend and it wasnt fair and then i finally ran out of energy and just sat there crying on my bed. and i felt lighter.

i think i might be back to normal. I mean, i miss him so much and i'll never forget him but i think he would hate that i was doing this. So tonight, i sat on my aunts sailboat, stirring a cup of tea and poking at a piece of pecan pie, the sea breeze blowing my hair in ever direction and i realized that it was okay. very very okay. Mikey says that it hurts so bad because our souls are repairing.

i can accept that. i can begin let myself heal.